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An Open Letter to Michael Arrington of TechCrunch

Dear Michael Arrington,

I am writing to you regarding Duncan Riley’s mention of my company ACrappySearchEngine.com in his post on TechCrunch “Intelliverb: Is It Intelligent Investing in Search?”

I don’t think it is fair at all to compare AcrappySearchEngine.com and Intelliverb.

Our results are much crappier than theirs. Yet they get the entire post! I, and my fellow co-CEO, believe you must correct this horrendous oversight but profiling ACrappySearchEngine.com, and the cutting edge “technology” that powers it, on your esteemed blog.

Now, granted both Intelliverb and ACrappySearchEngine are similar. We’re both conceptual and, even I will admit, there is room improvement. (But give us a break! We’re still in pre-Alpha! What’s their excuse?) 

I think what seems to have tipped the scale is Intelliverb named their crappy method of analyzing page content, PageScale, while we have not. Well allow me to correct this glaring error. Look out Google, Yahoo and Intelliverb! Here comes CrappyRank.

CrappyRank, or CR as we say around the office water cooler (but never around the foosball table) dynamically ranks content using a multivariable Web 2.3 algorithm that analyzes words, links, links with words, the word ‘link’ and whether these links and words are near pictures of Scarlett Johansson into a set of results. Apparently this is all done somewhat quickly by an old server we swiped from the back of the ol' Atlavista Headquarters.

Now that you have the information you need please take a moment to rectify this gross oversight. Besides we’ve been secretly powering Live.com for the past year.

Yours Truly,

John Boyle
Co-CEO of ACrappySearchEngine.com

ACrappySearchEngine.com Advertising Success Story

I don’t like letting the cat out of the bag, especially when it comes to a business advantage but I have to give props to the new ad campaign I started on ACrappySearchEngine.com.

I was pretty skeptical of their FrivolousAds system which seems to work like Google AdWords except instead of relevant terms your ad displays on irrelevant terms:

That's the power of ACrappySearchEngine.com's patented adverting technology: FrivolousAds. Put simply, when a user does a search, FrivolousAds will deliver a completely irrelevant text ad - catching the user off guard and generating huge sales for you!

I’ll admit I didn’t think showing my ad against terms like “pizza” or “telephone repair in tulsa” would generate valuable traffic but it does. I’ve been very happy with the results and will definitely continue to advertise there and I encourage everyone to do the same. You can’t argue with results. Just to prove it to you, here’s a chart showing substantial growth I found somewhere on the internet:

**UPDATE: Guys, it's a joke. ;-)